The Struggle For Dependence

Last Sunday (Behold the blogging delays of a new parent) seems like a breakthrough, spiritually speaking.

It began with a wonderfully exhortive message on Psalm 39:4-5.
In the text David implores God to:

"Show me, Lord, my life's end and the number of my days;
Let me know how fleeting my life is."

The pastor reminded us that "there is a power in doing what God has laid on your heart," instead of waiting for conditions that may never come.
Both of us enjoyed the message. How common it is to put off things that we ache to do! For me particularly, I'm prone to do what's in front of me (immediacy) instead of what is more satisfying. Oh, how I long to simplify my overcomplicated thinking and expectations, and the life that has resulted!
Instead, I clutter my joy with peripheral distractions, and lose sight of the beaming life of the believer, that Christ came to give in abundance

Simplicity has been on my mind in recent weeks. I believe this is what God intended for us. Not simplistic life, but life dominated and informed by a simple set of fundamental components. For example, don't crowd out the joy of godly worship with worldly entertainments, because you will dissipate and cover up the deeper satisfaction. C.S. Lewis likened it to "a holiday at the sea" of which kids playing in puddles are ignorant.
Although it may be satisfying to some degree to bounce from one brief happy entertainment to the next, it too often precludes the profound, enduring pleasures for which we were created.
As an example, I've been relishing lately the pleasure of hymns and modern praise songs. Although I attribute my desire for this to the Holy Spirit, I enjoy this singing on more than one level. 1. Melody, God's gift for the senses He created. 2. Creativity, that participation in creating a beautiful sound. 3. Theology. Unlike in secular music, there resides in the strains of praise music that which describes and reminds us of God and his grace to us sinners. This is key, as the words remind that God authors and sustains the believer's passion, and thus inspires the expression through music. It is, after all, more exciting to sing what you're passionate about.


At the end of this past Sunday, the Pookies enjoyed like-minded Christian fellowship like we hadn't seen. Another simple pleasure we'd been missing.


And in our prayer time together that night, Pookie and I connected in a way we hadn't yet in our marriage, a prayer I made that she could more identify with, one that excited us by uniting us in deep reflection on the incredible God we serve.
It was my closing added prayer, one more intimate than my usual prayers, that touched on more of God's majesty than normal, as I took the time to indulge more in it.

Upon reflection the next morning, I realized afresh that God's grace to us includes shaking us out of complacency (even when we're ignorant of the degree to which we're complacent), and steering us back into deep communion with Him, instead of letting us default to the dialogue of self-reflection (see Jan. 2 post), where our humanity fails to transcend introspection alone and see God for who He really is (and by this, who we really are).

So I made a plan to simplify my life of worship to focus on God rather than myself. I realized that my tendency is to so value my output, what I produce, that I've made my communication with God an academic endeavor, outlining bible passages rather than meditating on them, and scrutinizing scripture to find a relevant apologetic for our culture, rather than hiding the Word in my heart out of concern for my own spiritual growth and maintenance.

Ironic as it may seem, I did outline what I hope will serve as a reminder to keep Jesus central, and with as much recognition of His glory as I can muster.

THE OUTLINE for SPIRITUAL ACTIVITIES:
Before every activity, I should ask myself what the goal is. Since whole-hearted worship is so often elusive, I must be intentional.

1. DEVOTIONS
The goal: To hear God speak to me in my situations, in response to my heart's prayers.

Meditation on scripture is non-negotiable, so if this is being crowded, simplify by reading less (ensure quality, not quantity), or stopping and returning to it later that day.

2. PRAYER (3 parts)
a. To describe and indulge in God's character, and consequently to foster humility, intimacy, enjoyment, and reverence.

b. Ask God's help. Petition Him within a vivid understanding of the relationship elucidated in part a.

c. Ensure a fresh, invigorating, and honest sense of gratitude (Thanksgiving).


My (flexible) plan is to stay in the Psalms and the Gospels in my quiet time, and hold a weekly family evening study on the epistles, beginning with Romans and working towards the end of the NT.

I am dependent on God, but my flesh doesn't always believe that. So I'll continue in the believer's struggle for dependence, striving to cut away me-centered efforts, and live with God's majestic sufficiency in view.