grace’s birthday is October 15. toward the end of september, my mind was made up that I wanted to marry this woman, and around the beginning of October, I called her mother to ask her permission. She didn’t hesitate to say yes. I must’ve indicated something to the effect of, “well, that was easy.” And her reply was simple and sufficient:
You love God. And you love her.
Oftentimes one of the benefits of being a Christian is short answers.
Grace’s mom simultaneously put me at ease and negated all my marriage proposal financial planning efforts. She had a diamond ring that she wanted me to have.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
two years, two months - part three
This wasn’t just any instructor. This was Dr. Ron Sauer, Greek teacher and Bible expositor extraordinaire. After grace’s hype, we signed up and spent the next several summer Sunday evenings at park community church’s rented ballroom space on germania place, learning about king solomon’s design of romantic prose, and God’s design of romantic life. Dr. Sauer has a strong southern accent and a passionate, straightforward teaching style. He also incorporates grammatical terms like “epanadaplosis.” Grace and I quickly acknowledged that we both shared a love for words and she declared us “word nerds.”
It’s a point of pride we share that it was Dr. Sauer’s class on Song of Solomon that helped initiate our true dating period.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Over the summer, we maintained the habit whenever possible of meeting after work and walking to millennium park and chicago’s summerdance series on Michigan avenue. Grace knew east coast swing and I knew salsa dancing from a year or so of classes at latin street dancing on lasalle, so we used what we knew and learned whatever they offered.
It was early in our relationship when I discovered grace’s inventive, tasty, and healthful culinary prowess, as well as her generosity with it. She’d pack me a little dinner for the park and we’d dance and talk the nights away.
Talking has always been easy with grace, and communication has been foundational in our relationship ever since.
I recommend to my male readers that are in relationships that you be intentional in elevating communication to the top of your list of goals. It can easily drop off along with the newness of the relationship. Initiating and nurturing communication is difficult for many men (myself included) yet vital to healthy marriages.
After a few months, we began talking casually about marriage, it was just so easy.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
It’s a point of pride we share that it was Dr. Sauer’s class on Song of Solomon that helped initiate our true dating period.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Over the summer, we maintained the habit whenever possible of meeting after work and walking to millennium park and chicago’s summerdance series on Michigan avenue. Grace knew east coast swing and I knew salsa dancing from a year or so of classes at latin street dancing on lasalle, so we used what we knew and learned whatever they offered.
It was early in our relationship when I discovered grace’s inventive, tasty, and healthful culinary prowess, as well as her generosity with it. She’d pack me a little dinner for the park and we’d dance and talk the nights away.
Talking has always been easy with grace, and communication has been foundational in our relationship ever since.
I recommend to my male readers that are in relationships that you be intentional in elevating communication to the top of your list of goals. It can easily drop off along with the newness of the relationship. Initiating and nurturing communication is difficult for many men (myself included) yet vital to healthy marriages.
After a few months, we began talking casually about marriage, it was just so easy.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Monday, June 25, 2007
2yrs2mos – part 2
… Toward the end of our first month of communication (emails and the occasional long phone call), our schedules opened up to allow our first in-person meeting.
Grace worked as instructional designer for the moody bible institute and I was a graphic designer at crain communications, and about halfway between is L’appetito at the bottom of the hancock building. It was there that, on a windy day at the end of april, we would meet for the first time.
It was also the first time I listened to my new iPod mini, which grace would come to call “greenie.” As I walked down Michigan avenue to my date, I listened to five iron frenzy’s “dandelion,” which would become one of “our” songs, if not the one.
I got there early, having bought one yellow tulip for the woman who would become my bride.
We talked easily and at length, and left for sushi a few blocks southwest at Naniwa. Afterwards, I showed her my condo, and drove her home to her condo at clark and touhy. I’d soon come to dislike crossing the Ashlandic distance between us.
Shortly thereafter, grace took me up on my invitation to Rhythm, the smoke-free drum-circle nightclub on Randolph in the west loop gate.
Grace at the time played the djembe in the single adult ministry worship band at the moody church. I knew Rhythm from my associations with Gingarte Capoeira. I recommend this club to anyone.
That night, grace wore what became my favorite cool-weather outfit- chocolate brown pants and camisole, and a pink sweater. These would become our wedding colors.
I soon began attending grace’s church (which, in the summer, meets across the street from Park Community Church). With one foot still at Park Community, I got commissioned to design a church bulletin ad for a Sunday evening bible class on Song of Solomon. When grace learned of this, she noted that the instructor was a colleage at the moody bible institute
Grace worked as instructional designer for the moody bible institute and I was a graphic designer at crain communications, and about halfway between is L’appetito at the bottom of the hancock building. It was there that, on a windy day at the end of april, we would meet for the first time.
It was also the first time I listened to my new iPod mini, which grace would come to call “greenie.” As I walked down Michigan avenue to my date, I listened to five iron frenzy’s “dandelion,” which would become one of “our” songs, if not the one.
I got there early, having bought one yellow tulip for the woman who would become my bride.
We talked easily and at length, and left for sushi a few blocks southwest at Naniwa. Afterwards, I showed her my condo, and drove her home to her condo at clark and touhy. I’d soon come to dislike crossing the Ashlandic distance between us.
Shortly thereafter, grace took me up on my invitation to Rhythm, the smoke-free drum-circle nightclub on Randolph in the west loop gate.
Grace at the time played the djembe in the single adult ministry worship band at the moody church. I knew Rhythm from my associations with Gingarte Capoeira. I recommend this club to anyone.
That night, grace wore what became my favorite cool-weather outfit- chocolate brown pants and camisole, and a pink sweater. These would become our wedding colors.
I soon began attending grace’s church (which, in the summer, meets across the street from Park Community Church). With one foot still at Park Community, I got commissioned to design a church bulletin ad for a Sunday evening bible class on Song of Solomon. When grace learned of this, she noted that the instructor was a colleage at the moody bible institute
i preached a sermon yesterday!
a couple months ago, my pastor gave me the opportunity to preach as the final bit of training he's been giving me, which started a year ago with instruction on how to outline bible passages and present them in a bible study format.
i lost sleep and i got sick, but it all bore fruit yesterday.
my voice often trembles when I sing praise to God
nervous about preaching in a matter of minutes, I was humbled as I trembled before the God that I live and love to exalt.
I noted impromptu as I took the pulpit that it was ironic to feel nervous before preaching since I love the word and that’s what the congregation was there to here. I’m just there to point to the cross (as I did this literally), but pride is such that my body worries about how I’m perceived.
I’ve really been relishing nichole nordeman’s music lately. It’s enrapturing to enjoy Christ-exalting music when I’m (all too infrequently) able to turn off the rest of my thoughts and distractions. I’m actually excited about a number of Christian artists lately: Bethany Dillon, Vicky beeching, and sara groves. If iTunes hadn’t jacked up their prices, I’d be buying a lot more. Such as it is, I’m considering (Heaven help me) BMG.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
two years, two months
i began writing the story of the last two years and two months of my life, so that i would have an exhaustive document to which i could refer my friends when they ask questions like, "how's married life?" a lot has happened since i left gingarte capoeira, chicago dance crash, and chicago (in that order), and i wanted to do it justice.
The following is the first installment written a few weeks before the actual date shown (I just pasted it into my blog so it could go live and stop languishing on my desktop). i hope to write the subsequent stages sooner than later, but for now, here's chapter one. I will probably intersperse the occasional thoughts and commentary as well, but will set apart the "two years, two months" by its heading.
journals are important, i've determined. they will prove invaluable when we look back on the times we've forgotten. what helped jump start this was my friend and best man, John, who inspired me with his blog content and habits. he also inspired me to look at The Reagan Diaries, which begins with Ronnie lamenting the fact that he didn't start a diary sooner.
a
The following is the first installment written a few weeks before the actual date shown (I just pasted it into my blog so it could go live and stop languishing on my desktop). i hope to write the subsequent stages sooner than later, but for now, here's chapter one. I will probably intersperse the occasional thoughts and commentary as well, but will set apart the "two years, two months" by its heading.
journals are important, i've determined. they will prove invaluable when we look back on the times we've forgotten. what helped jump start this was my friend and best man, John, who inspired me with his blog content and habits. he also inspired me to look at The Reagan Diaries, which begins with Ronnie lamenting the fact that he didn't start a diary sooner.
a
It’s 12:36am and I can’t sleep. Not sure what the reason is, but I’ve had trouble sleeping the week before and the week and a half since we returned from vacationing in costa rica.
This is as good a time as any to begin the story of us: pooky and pookie under the grace of God.
March 2005
I love Christian apologetics.
It became attractive to me when I realized that, contrary to secular wisdom, Christianity is wonderfully logical, satisfying the queries of the mind and the heart. My mom, a tremendous influence on my life, shares my interest in defending Christianity, and forwarded me a weblink she knew I’d have time to peruse.
For once, the web ad became the focus, and, thanks be to God for a busy and aesthetically dismal homepage, I went straight to the link that said: christiancafe.com.
The first week was free and answering their questions to create my profile was fun. Nine years of minimal career productivity and maximum downtime had led to this.
I became an addict.
pouring over profiles of women defined my days immediately thereafter, and it wasn’t long before I’d singled out a few to know better.
One of my biggest regrets in life is how insensitive I‘ve been towards women, whether they knew it at the time or not. a single man can justify most anything. Unfortunately, since women are capable of the same thing, the consequences for poor judgment in relationships are rarely subtle. Four dates in one week can be deception if your desire for just friendship is never stated.
i never knew just how different my heart was from the women I’ve met until meeting the woman who became my wife. i flirted, misled, and betrayed throughout friendships and romances. I delayed or omitted verbal truths in favor of vague gestural ones. With an ignorance of the depth of difference between the sexes, i became quite careless quite effortlessly.
In the end, I’ve learned that interaction with the opposite sex requires constant sensitivity and self-control. And just because men are less sensitive and thoughtful doesn’t mean we can employ selective ignorance to justify our behavior.
My advice to women is this: a man who cares for your heart will want to know just how it interprets his behavior, and will not want to mislead it for his own ends.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”
That’s something you won’t read in Maxim.
So, back to the spring of 2005, when a young man’s fancy turns to e-dating.
New relationships are exciting and I ended up pursuing three at once. This wasn’t as illicit as it sounds. However, I did resemble a call center at work, receiving emails from three different girls and sending off responses, even to the point of getting a little confused as to what I’d told whom. Ultimately, it was a woman named grace on whom I focused. She quickly revealed herself to be someone who didn’t elicit any change in my communication style, and with whom I became fast friends.
A little backstory. Part of the excitement these courtships brought was a shared love of Jesus Christ and His Word which tells all about Him. For the first time, I was interested in girls who worship Jesus, and our email relationships often produced wonderful little bible studies. I was a kid in a candy store. Understand that I’m sold out to Jesus Christ as my first love, and at this point was also on my way to getting a girlfriend.
Having recently renewed my walk with Christ (that means I stopped remanding God’s salvation for my sinful soul to mere intellectual assent, and embraced the humbling repentance necessary to actually know Jesus’ love), the excitement of e-dating was compounded by a growing spiritual maturity.
I was joyful.
This is as good a time as any to begin the story of us: pooky and pookie under the grace of God.
March 2005
I love Christian apologetics.
It became attractive to me when I realized that, contrary to secular wisdom, Christianity is wonderfully logical, satisfying the queries of the mind and the heart. My mom, a tremendous influence on my life, shares my interest in defending Christianity, and forwarded me a weblink she knew I’d have time to peruse.
For once, the web ad became the focus, and, thanks be to God for a busy and aesthetically dismal homepage, I went straight to the link that said: christiancafe.com.
The first week was free and answering their questions to create my profile was fun. Nine years of minimal career productivity and maximum downtime had led to this.
I became an addict.
pouring over profiles of women defined my days immediately thereafter, and it wasn’t long before I’d singled out a few to know better.
One of my biggest regrets in life is how insensitive I‘ve been towards women, whether they knew it at the time or not. a single man can justify most anything. Unfortunately, since women are capable of the same thing, the consequences for poor judgment in relationships are rarely subtle. Four dates in one week can be deception if your desire for just friendship is never stated.
i never knew just how different my heart was from the women I’ve met until meeting the woman who became my wife. i flirted, misled, and betrayed throughout friendships and romances. I delayed or omitted verbal truths in favor of vague gestural ones. With an ignorance of the depth of difference between the sexes, i became quite careless quite effortlessly.
In the end, I’ve learned that interaction with the opposite sex requires constant sensitivity and self-control. And just because men are less sensitive and thoughtful doesn’t mean we can employ selective ignorance to justify our behavior.
My advice to women is this: a man who cares for your heart will want to know just how it interprets his behavior, and will not want to mislead it for his own ends.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”
That’s something you won’t read in Maxim.
So, back to the spring of 2005, when a young man’s fancy turns to e-dating.
New relationships are exciting and I ended up pursuing three at once. This wasn’t as illicit as it sounds. However, I did resemble a call center at work, receiving emails from three different girls and sending off responses, even to the point of getting a little confused as to what I’d told whom. Ultimately, it was a woman named grace on whom I focused. She quickly revealed herself to be someone who didn’t elicit any change in my communication style, and with whom I became fast friends.
A little backstory. Part of the excitement these courtships brought was a shared love of Jesus Christ and His Word which tells all about Him. For the first time, I was interested in girls who worship Jesus, and our email relationships often produced wonderful little bible studies. I was a kid in a candy store. Understand that I’m sold out to Jesus Christ as my first love, and at this point was also on my way to getting a girlfriend.
Having recently renewed my walk with Christ (that means I stopped remanding God’s salvation for my sinful soul to mere intellectual assent, and embraced the humbling repentance necessary to actually know Jesus’ love), the excitement of e-dating was compounded by a growing spiritual maturity.
I was joyful.
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